I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
