I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
