stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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