even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize