oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
