Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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