Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
