I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
soo... how was my night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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