So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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