I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
