i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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