he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
