fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
