Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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