So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
