i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize