Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
