True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
