Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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