she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
