Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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