Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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