Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
