Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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