Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
