Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go christen that room with your naked body.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
