You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
