the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
