I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
