Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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