We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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