His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
