Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
