I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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