I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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