The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
