I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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