i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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