Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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