The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
