I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
