i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
