I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
