just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
