I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
