How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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