I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
