I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
