that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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