We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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