paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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