I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
