lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
