I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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