Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Let's paint friendship bongs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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