My cat gives me a boner
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
