so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
