Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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