I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
