She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
