I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
