I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if only i could text you this smell
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just found puke in my bra..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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