Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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