Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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